No Handers

Here’s my first blog rant. There may be more if I get annoyed enough but this one has me going for now.

I’ll start by setting things straight. There is no such thing as an ‘old school’ no-hander or a ‘tuck’ no-hander. Period.

There are no-handers and suicide no-handers, which have both been around for years now, but they have been joined by a horrible, disgusting and stinkin version of taking yer hands off – the Ditchburn (aka zombie) no-hander!

Before you get all heated with me, I think Ditchburn is rad and he’s a nice chap, but these have been named after him because Lewis from Glasgow (the one with the hot sister! Look for last years Miss Scotland!) always shouts “Scott Ditchburn” when doing one of these rotters and it’s just stuck from there. I’ll try to describe it as best as I can although I’m sure you know what I mean. The bars are still in the lap but that’s where all similarity ends. Instead of stalling it out for as long as you can, the hands are a blur. Instead of holding your head high, it’s down next to the tyre making you look like a zombie. Instead of looking good, it looks like shit!

I don’t know where they came from but it seems all the new school street riders are into doing them all over the shop. Into and out of rails, down stairs, out of wallrides etc etc which would be cool if they looked decent, but they are just foul. Do the riders not know this? Do they not see the magazines and videos? When I see a rider do one I recoil in horror every time. I bet they feel shit to do as well, not that I’m ever going to try one to find out. Please kids, let’s outlaw these like the nac-nac and candybar were outlawed on dirt*.

For evidence of a proper no-hander see Jamie Bestwick, Corey Martinez, Mat Hoffman, Dave Mirra or Bas Keep. They know the score.



*Many trails riders enforced a no nac-nac or candybars rule at their trails about 10 years ago due to their stinkyness. (And an article in Dig magazine)